Over the past few weeks, I have been privy to horror
stories (usually over a cocktail) about poor etiquette. Whether I’m having an
Old Fashioned with the Financier, a glass of wine with the Hedge Fund, or a
beer with the Music Mogul, the complaints are basically a riff on the theme
that some guys have no couth.
Whether it is the story of someone wanting to itemize, rather than
evenly split, the dinner bill when six guys are out to dinner (hint: Don’t Do
That! It all comes out in the wash); the guy who gets too loud and causes a
scene (hint: Don’t Do That! Keep your conversation amongst your group); or the
guy who tries to one up everyone’s stories (hint: Don’t Do That! Conversations
with friends are not a competitive sport), it seems that everyone has a story
about a (now ex) friend who displays poor manners that negatively impacts
others’ experiences. Being a modern gentleman not only means dressing the part,
but—and even more important—acting the part. As they say, “you can put a pig in
a suit, it’s still a pig.” Don’t be a pig; act cultured and sophisticated at
all times.
The other night, I was having dinner with the Trust Fund,
who told me a horror story about a recent houseguest. Although the guest was provided free room and board at the
Trust Fund’s beach house, he acted ungrateful, complained about the meals, left
a mess, and acted entitled the entire time. Even worse, he never thanked his host for the
hospitality.
As the heart of summer approaches, you will likely be
invited to be a guest in a friend’s weekend country house, Hampton’s summer
share, private island, or back yard dinner party. Whatever the invite may be,
accept it immediately (pause or delay is simply not tolerable) and do not make
your host regret his decision to extend the invitation.
The main rule to remember is that you should contribute
something positive to make the experience memorable for your host. Start off on
the right foot by showing up with a thank-you present that shows you put
thought into it (rather than something you picked up last minute while running
to the airport). Try to personalize the gift. If your host is a culinarian, a
gift basket of exotic spices, oils, and ingredients is nice. If he is a mixoligist, try some obscure
bitters, amargos, or interesting liquor. A recent guest of mine to a cocktail
party brought me a bottle of High West’s 36th Vote Barrel Aged
Manhattan, since he knew my penchant for the drink. Similarly, when the Texan recently came to visit at my
weekend house for an evening of bar-b-queuing, he brought a homemade dry rub
for ribs and another one for beef brisket, which he had made earlier in the
week. His gift not only added to
our experience (and was ridiculously amazing), but it also subtly let me know
that he had been looking forward to the visit that week. A good rule of thumb
is to spend at least $50 on a gift if you are spending a weekend or more in
someone’s home ($20 is enough for a dinner party). Avoid a gift that imposes on
your host, such as offering to take him out to dinner, since that may require
deviating from the plans your host may have already had.
When you are at the house, pack only your necessities and
don’t spread your things all over the house. Keep your clothes neatly stacked
in your room and a few toiletries in your bathroom (if you are sharing a
bathroom, pack your items in a nice toiletry bag so that they are not in the
way). Keep your wet towels out of the way (either behind the bathroom door or
in your room) and, on your last morning, ask your host what you should do with
your dirty towels and sheets. It
goes without saying that, before you leave, clean your bedroom, bathroom, and
even a few of the common areas to alleviate your host’s chores.
If you are going to be staying several days, offer to
purchase groceries (or at least chip in) for the house. And waking up early to make a nice
breakfast for your host is an excellent way to make sure that you get invited
back. While you can make food allergies or dietary restrictions known
beforehand, eat whatever your host provides with compliments and praise; no
complaints, no matter how bad the food.
Finally, make sure to send a handwritten thank you note —not
an e-mail or text message—to let your hosts know exactly how gracious you are
that they opened their home to you.
During your stay, impress your host by tending bar and
concocting something that they may not have tried before. A Mary Pickford, an old 1920’s drink
named for the silent-film-actress, is an excellent drink to sip during a hot
summer afternoon.
Ingredients
2 oz. Denizen or Banks 5 Island Rum
¾ oz. Fresh pineapple juice
½ oz. Luxardo Maraschino
¼ oz. Grenadine (make a homemade grenadine [boil 2 ½ cups
pomegranate juice and 1 cup simple syrup for 20 minutes. When cooled, add ½ cup dark, Spanish
brandy (such as Cardenal Mendoza)] or use a high-quality premade version such
as Employee’s Only or Trader Vics. Anything but the bright red, Rose’s
version).
***Shake with ice, strain into chilled coupe. Garnish with
cherry (optional)
or a Bee’s Knees
Ingredients
2 oz. Old Raj gin
1 oz. Honey syrup or agave nectar
¼ oz. fresh lemon juice
*** Shake over ice, strain into cocktail glass with one
large ice cube. Garnish with lemon twist.
Note, you can also make a variation of this cocktail
substituting a high-end clear rum, such a Flor de CaƱa, for the gin
If you really want to impress, try a Hemingway Daiquiri
Ingredients
1 ¾ oz. 10 Cane rum
¼ oz. Luxardo Maraschino
1 oz. fresh lime juice
¼ oz. fresh grapefruit juice
¼ oz. simple syrup
*** shake vigorously over ice; strain into a chilled
cocktail glass. Garnish with a
lime wheel and cherry.
or a Moscow Mule
Ingredients
2 oz. premium vodka
4 1/2 oz. spicy ginger beer (like Fentimans or Reed’s)
½ oz. fresh lime juice
***Pour vodka and lime juice into tall Collins glass filled
with large ice cubes. Fill with
ginger beer and stir. Garnish with
lime wheel
I am really enjoying your blog. It is like GQ, but with cocktails.
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